I have been wondering for awhile where my first blogpost would come from. I started this blog when I was about to start as a Staff Worker with TSCF some 2 years back. Andy would remember this well; we argued for close to 45 minutes the value (or lack thereof) in a name like ‘Smelevision’. I don’t recall him ever being so uptight about something I deemed insignificant, and found it quite amusing. He didn’t. But seeing it was my blog and not his, I didn’t back down for once, which probably contributed to him having a few more migraines that week, bless his wee noggin. So here I am, 2 years on, with my first ‘Smelevison’ blog post. The name is about sharing my vision through my tainted but increasingly sharpened view of the world and life around me as God works in my life through his Word and by His Spirit. And it’s just like seeing my world from afar, through my eyes, but my prayer is that it also leaves a lasting scent – hopefully a fragrance of the God’s gracious work in and through me, for His glory.
It’s been a hard, hard 3 months back in Singapore. And I don’t know if it’ll get any easier. It’s hard being away from my parents, from Kate, from Marsden, from Three Kings United, from AUTCF, from Andy, from beautiful, laidback Aotearoa. It’s hard being in Singapore, struggling to find gainful paid employment, to find/build community, to be amongst not-yet believers on a regular basis, working out a significant relationship in a new context, encountering psycho Singapore drivers on a regular basis and simply being in a largely claustrophobic, materialistic and thoughtless society.
There have been some corker times though. The continuation of a couple of special Kiwi-made friendships, hearing of continuing fruit of shared ministry in Auckland, some brilliant times in Scripture with an old friend, sharing life and Scripture with some Boys Brigade boys, wonderful everyday opportunities for the Gospel, moments with John Piper and Tedashii on buses and trains and the fellowship of Su Ann’s Bible Study group around Romans to name but a few. Sharing life with Soubs, day in, day out, is also pretty special!
Still, the majority of time spent in Singapore has been lonely and at times, downright gutting. Yet, through these times, God has allowed me to wrestle with some massive issues: the fleetingness of life on this earth; illness, decay and death; the role of the church and its apparent and increasing divorce from the world; and perhaps ultimately, the absolute worthlessness of my life here on this earth apart from God’s gracious purposes for me to live and work for His glory.
Even tonight at Bible study we had the privilege of being humbled by Romans 9, wrestling with God’s sovereign choice in His mercy, by His will and for His glory. Understanding we were as lifeless and useless as shapeless clay in a potters’ hand was like swallowing a pill the size of a fat crayon. Understanding God’s decision over who He would create for ‘honourable use’ and to have mercy on might yet choke some of us to death. It was hard, humbling, sobering times. But it was good times. And dare I say supernatural, transformative, soul-saving times, by God’s grace.
Whilst the future for me is not a lot clearer than it was a month ago, I've see more clearly that life is warfare: warfare against my sinful nature, a battle for souls fought in every moment; seeking to capture every decision and every opportunity for worship of the Creator of my being, Lover and Redeemer of my soul and the Sovereign, Reigning and Soon-coming King. I am a soldier of the Conquering King of the Eternal Kingdom. May I be ready for every battle, however small, for it could be a matter of life and death; may I fight for every person as I would a fellow comrade/citizen; may I sharpen my handling of my sword, the Word of God; may I treasure every moment in every breath as God-given and God-worthy and may I love my King, my Captain and my Saviour and to delight in knowing Him more each day.
I don’t know what I’ll be doing tomorrow, next week or next month. I don’t know where money will come from or where I’ll be living or whether my earthly relationships will continue. But I know what my Worth is in: In Worship, and in War. That is my calling – every day and every moment. It’s going to be messy, but it’s time to kickass for the Kingdom. Starting with the ass of my own sinful nature.
Check this: Make War (Tedashii) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONOdqmXkx9M&feature=player_embedded#at=44
